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Do I Really Like Documentaries if I Only Watch 3 a Year?

The easiest lie to tell anybody is, “I love documentaries.” I say this a lot, because in theory I love them, but in reality I watch maybe three a year. So far my two for the year have been Casting JonBenet and Holy Hell. Casting JonBenet? Kinda boring. Holy Hell? Really damn good. For the most part, documentaries feel very hit or miss for me and right now I want a refund for Casting JonBenet.

Netflix is pumping out original documentaries and mini-series docs to the point where it’s tiring. For the most part, they’re pretty good, but since my Netflix account is exclusively used to rewatch The Office, I’ve maybe watched two or three Netflix original doc-types. Granted I’m not the expert in this situation so maybe I’m just talking out of my ass so to say, but the Netflix documentary monopoly is weak and I need stuff that will entertain me more.

Holy Hell isn’t available on Netflix; I willingly watched it on cable television like a goddamn caveman, and sat through commercials. I sucked it up because the movie was that good. It focused on a twenty yearlong commune cult, known as “Buddhafield”. The manipulation, suffering, and confusion had me silently screaming in anticipation as I watched. I highly recommend it, however, there is some sexual assault and heavy gaslighting, which may be hard to swallow for some viewers. I know decent documentaries exist out there, shoot, Holy Hell is one of them, but because documentaries are not as popular as action blockbusters, I never really hear about them. There are people who have that one genre that they know a ton about and really enjoy, there has to be a documentary person somewhere, and I need to meet them so I can get the inside scoop about good documentaries. Please, one of you be my documentary person.

Emily Moss' character in Workaholics originally saying "I've seen Adult Swim. I get alternative comedy." Adult Swim is crossed out to say "Super Size Me." Alternative comedy is crossed out to say "documentaries."

Original image from Comedy Central's Workaholics. Workaholics is owned by 5th Year Productions. Image edit done by Teresa Navarro. (Yes, I'm aware "documentaries" and "Super Size Me" are two difference text sizes)

The more I think about what exactly documentaries are, I can’t help but ask myself if reality television can be qualified for documentary status and I do watch more than three documentaries a year. Something like Pawn Stars? Probably not. It’s really obvious that some moments are scripted and a lot of the show’s success led to tip offs to make the show more exciting. True Life? Probably. People are only in one episode so it’s not like they’re instant celebrities, having wild things happen to them because they’re famous. There’s no pressure or reason to lie except to create the initial episode they are staring in. The Simple Life starring international queens, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie? 100% the realest shit I have ever seen.

It’s not like I’m not completely out of the loop when it comes to documentaries. I’ve seen Super Size Me. I know things. Gross McDonald’s related things. I’m also incredibly lazy when it comes to watching documentaries since I kind of dislike watching movies alone. Frequently, movie watching is a social experience for me. I love talking to people after I finish a movie and the only person who’s ever willing to watch documentaries with me is my mom. I also have a terrible habit of talking during movies. I always want to share my opinions, and with documentaries you have to pay attention and listen to what’s going on. Between not knowing anything and not hearing about new documentaries and having nobody to watch them with, I’ve hit a standstill, giving me a ton of excuses to never actually watch documentaries. I guess what this boils down to is laziness and a lack of knowledge on the subject. So too long didn’t read of it all: I like documentaries, and I think it’s safe to say I like them despite never watching them.

While writing, I realized I have watched my third and final documentary of the year. After suffering a nasty bout of heartburn at a video game convention, I went to a screening of Sega Saturn, Cracked After 20 Years in January. Sorry Jiro Dreams of Sushi, but looks like you’ve been moved to next year’s To Docu-Watch List.

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